My last blog entry is almost exactly 2 years old. I browse through my old stuff and I see my desperation then, my illness; and I see wonderful art, photos, paintings, gifs, quotes.
Again it is autumn. I have turned on the heating and the dust that has gathered in the radiators smells nicely. I have my candles on and play an old Rolling Stones record on my record player.
So just to catch up: after my last entry followed another year of struggle for good old life. Deep down under the sea, I’d say. Where the monsters live. I won’t go into that.
Eventually things changed. A year ago I found a job, part time, at the university. I got to know new people, found my way back into society. Caught up with the world. I remember how tired I was in my first winter of recovery. Just from the speed, I guess. The speed of things changing. In the morning I worked, in the afternoons I helped out at a Borderline Personality Facebook page, counseling, sharing, being there. In the new year (this year) I took up studying again. After careful consideration I chose theology - ultimately going for religious studies. It has broadened my horizons, enlightened my days and fulfilled me.
I like my job. My boss is nice, my colleague is a good companion.
I love my studies. The second term is coming, I have passed all first term exams with straight As. At the library I feel at home. I just love to sit there at one of the long wooden tables surrounded by other students and shelves full of books.
My daughter is happy. She has a loving and caring boyfriend. She is finishing school this year, almost grown up.
I’m still with my partner. We’ve been married three years now.
We have moved back to my old flat and made it our home again.
In summer, I travelled to Israel on my own - a fantastic experience.
Even my dogs are still here, completing my family.
I guess I was lucky. Who would have thought? I had never dreamt I’d fall so deep again and then, at the bottom, I’d never dreamt I find my way back up again and am alive. I’m drug free, sober as hell, appreciating every new day that brings not only the lack of pain but joy. I rejoice on every day I am well. And I count my blessings. I guess I was lucky.
P.S. Today I opened an account on wattpad and published a new English short story and some old stuff written in German.